My Life Is Very Different From the Way I Thought It Would Be…
Some thoughts on being human, on dreaming a new reality, and on being IN reality…

This morning I woke up at 5 am. I’ve been waking up before 6 for a while now, and going to bed earlier. I've been consistent with my practices and stronger with my boundaries...

I'd never thought I'd join the before-6-am club because "I am a night person..."
...Turns out, identities shift and morph, and when we follow our body’s rhythm, it takes us where our soul wants to go.

The new morning wake-up change & my birthday yesterday had me contemplating how wildly different my life is from what I envisioned it to be as a young girl.

I imagined myself at this time waking up children for school.
I imagined a quieter life—one where I am a social worker, a therapist for children, a hairdresser, a makeup artist, a painter...
(All jobs I actually had in past lifetimes of this life!)
(I definitely didn't imagine THIS wild "job" 😂)

A few years ago, I went to the local bank and saw 3 women who I knew from high school with lives that looked like the way I’d envisioned mine to be.

When I got in the car, I was surprised to see tears in my eyes.
I asked myself, “Rivky, why are you crying?”
I didn’t understand. (Yes, I talk to myself.)

I said... “You love your life, you are living in the manifestation of so much that is possible, you have access to so much peace—what do the tears mean?”
The voice inside of me answered and said:
“Yes, I do love my life. Wholly, unequivocally, and with deep gratitude. AND the little girl inside of me is grieving the death of a dream that SHE had. We can hold the grief and the gratitude of what IS.”

Being with what is REAL is so freeing.
Feeling our feelings sets us free.
Allowing desire, and grief, and gratitude allows us to be fully human AND luxuriate in the present moment.

Grief and desire is not the same thing as ruminating and suffering.
You can love your life and want more.
You can love your life and grieve a dream.
You can hold faith and disappointment.
You can feel pain without suffering.
You are allowed to be human.
You are allowed to feel.

And you are allowed to HEAL.
To believe in the possibilities in the universe with Certainty.
To have what you have, to want what you want, and to dream a new reality.

I’m so Grateful.